This will be too little, too late, but my inability to address this doesn’t make it any less important. I’ve been working on this post in my mind for two years. I struggled with a justification for publishing a blog on racism. I am unqualified, but I do have to let the world know that I stand with those protesting the racism that led to the death of George Floyd. I have no confidence that his murderers will be held accountable in the same way he would be if the roles were reversed.
I was one of those happy liberals who saw the inauguration of Barack Obama as president as a turning point. There would be no turning back. This was indeed a great country if we could get past our history of slavery and racism to elect a black president. Racism itself would be dying with a few old stubborn confederates in the south and a bright new day lay ahead for all of us. We could work on real issues, hand in hand, and really call this country America.
I was an idiot.
I truly had no idea. Granted, I didn’t dig very deep but it felt good to know that what was left of racism was slowly dying. You would think as a native Californian I would be more aware of our own transgressions against African Americans, the indigenous tribes, the Mexican immigrants, and even the Mexican Californios that were here before we entered the United States. I knew the legacies of the missions were a very mixed bag but surely it was nothing compared to what went on in Mississipi and in our bright new era, it wasn’t much of a concern.
Again, I was an idiot.
I love old movies. Musicals, particular. I was telling a friend about how the world was just better than when you could break into songs to solve your woes. He’s an Indian immigrant, and he said, not if you’re brown or black. There were no options in my fantasies for people of color other than being the shoeshine boy in the train station scenes. Or maids. Or nothing. I thought he was being sensitive and then I thought about how invisible gays were. Persnickety Edward Everett Horton was about it and he was always married in these films. I was invisible, too, on a key level. I thought about how in the 1970s, coming of age with Charles Nelson Reilly or Paul Lynde as the only role models I had as a young gay man and the idea filled me with terror, even though I am now sure they were lovely fellows doing the best they could. What if I had seen someone like me on the screen or TV? How wonderful would a role model have been?
I remember a black man being interviewed on the radio and he described walking down a tony Washington D.C. suburban street, well-dressed and whistling Mozart, and hearing the click of car locks as scared neighbors passed him by. I thought this was silly and frankly, I doubted it was true. Now, I’m sure it was a reality. Watching scared privileged white people call the cops on blacks for using a public park or selling lemonade is too wild to contemplate yet there are the videos. And those white women probably think they mean well, listen to NPR, and voted for Obama.
I have no solutions. I have no real insight. I think this period of time is about listening and helping if I can. One way to help is to speak out, which I’m doing now. I know many of my friends, who would consider themselves allies, are silent, but it’s more because we are freaked out and don’t know what to do. This is white privilege. It’s uncomfortable, but we don’t have to be the solution. We don’t control everything. We need to listen and together be the solution. Saying you’re freaked out and lost is strength. Our silence can be interpreted as being complicit with the racists. Anything we do is too little, too late, but that doesn’t mean we do nothing.
So I start here and now with this: I apologize.
And I also apologize to southerners.
It’s clear that racism is an American problem, it just manifests differently in the south.
When Obama was elected, I was so happy. I, too, thought that we had turned the page as a country. It was such a hopeful time. I believe it’s possible that this could be the moment, now, when it really happens but only if mostly (it will never be all) everyone is on that same page. It takes a country.
Thanks for your thoughts.
I apologize as well…as a child that was raised in an inter-racial marriage, I experienced both of my parents being slurred with racist comments. My Dad was chastised for marrying a gringa and my Mom was shunned by family and friends for marrying a Mexican. But as a child of law enforcement professionals, my parents would/are appalled at the behavior that is going on in our society. Law enforcement is to protect and serve the citizens of their jurisdiction, they aren’t warriors. People are having their voices “muffled” by the agitators and instigators, who are trying to deflect the important message of the protests. I pray for our country and it’s people… and hope that we can come together as a country and do the work that needs to be done to heal our nation and create a better environment for our children and grandchildren. They are watching and listening. We need to be better for them.
If it is any comfort some of the smartest people I’ve known were offspring from bi-continental parentage. Ie. Chinese and Mexican, an Austin High School valedictorian.
It is healthy to mix heritage by DNA. Look at how Senator Kamala Harris has blossomed into becoming a candidate for Vice President.
Malcolm Gladwell is another shining example of how “colored” people are brilliant. Trevor Noah is another one.
In Barack Obama we have an individual well served having grown up in a bi-racial setting.
Be Proud!
Ginny,
Well written. My children (51,48, and 41) all hugged and cried with joy when Obama was elected. We thought a page had been turned…..finally. Now it seems as if we are back in the dark days of my life. I am too old to march, to sit in and get arrested. I can still sing, flip a bird, and donate money. Why does this blot on our society continue to exist! Thank you for writing as I have had a chance to vent. That does not make the anger or the sadness lessen.
Well said. Thank you for honesty and empathy.
Thank you Steve.
We love you, Steve. Thank you for opening your heart. Peace and strength.
Thank you for writing and posting this Steve. I too thought we had reached a milestone when Obama was elected. I too feel helpless, but we have to go forward and do what we can, and more.
So thoughtful.
I remember once quite a while back saying to an African American friend that I missed the “good old days,” and she pointed out that the “old days” were not “good” for everyone, certainly not people like her mother who worked cleaning white people’s houses for basically pennies, often with no lunch at all.
I haven’t used that phrase since.
Beautifully said. Thank you.
Let’s be hopeful again. Otherwise this musical is going to SUCK.
I too apologize.
Thank you Steve for your honesty. I share your anguish and your need to shout “BASTA”
Steve, thank you for speaking out passionately and articulately. It feels like 1968 all over, only we now have a cross between Nixon and George Wallace fanning the flames of racism.
I too am sorry.
Thank you. So many of us are struggling with what to think, say, or do. I think it’s ok to be “late”. We don’t all process at the same speed.
Being born and raised, and still living in Georgia, there’s no doubt that well-dressed, Mozart-humming black man would have been feared. Unfortunately, in many areas, the scenario would play out the same today. And you’re right, many of those locking their doors think they are protecting their children in the back seat. It’s up to us to listen. learn. change our narrative, and change our minds. Thank you for this blog post.
Thank you for writing this.
I only lived in San Francisco for a year but even as a fully white, eastern european-blooded woman, I experienced that special feeling “racism” transfers because I am petite, have brown hair and my blond, German mother named me Maria – a very popular name in Germany. My father is French and British and looks just like Anthony Bourdain, whose ancestry is also of Northern France – and I take after him. It was a shock to experience it in California and of course I realize it must be nothing like POC experience, but I got a taste – and it is ugly behavior that is not only unnecessary but an exceedingly ignorant way for educated people to behave. Did we learn nothing from watching Star Trek?? ; )
Clearly, you’re not an idiot.
Well… maybe you are an idiot, but you’re not the only idiot.
One reason I am grateful for your post is simply that you made it.
RacialD injustice is so deeply rooted in all of our sensibilities that the reach to fundamental change is toweringly high. Now is the moment.
And now it takes all of us to do as you did — to speak up for ourselves. We may feel inarticulate or presumptuous or scared, but it’s going to take all of us to stand up and speak. Thank you for your essay.
(Revised)
One reason I am grateful for your post is simply that you made it.
Racial injustice is so deeply rooted in all of our sensibilities that the reach to fundamental change is toweringly high. But now is the moment. And it will take all of us to do as you did — to finally speak up for ourselves. We will feel inarticulate or presumptuous or scared, but it’s going to take all of us to stand up and speak. Thank you for your essay.
Absolutely this could be a pivotal moment if more of us turn our awareness into action. We must consider reparations and political renewal. Breaking the barriers of white silence is a great beginning. Let’s keep it going. Thank you!
You did what we all need to do more – speak out. Not let being uncomfortable stop us from speaking out.
#1 action we can take is to educate ourselves on people running for local, state and congressional offices. Work for and put people in office that reflect our values.
VOTE – and cook
Reading this post in late July, and wow, so much has happened, and I am feeling really weighted down. Thank you for being honest, vulnerable, for admitting confusion and sorrow.
Loved your post Steve but have a comment on one line, “Racism itself would be dying with a few old stubborn confederates in the south and a bright new day lay ahead for all of us.” Are there racists in the south? Yes indeed, but there are plenty of racists ALL OVER this country. It’s a stereotype to suggest or even hint that the south is where the racists are. Just as it would be a stereotype to suggest that all the liberals are on the east and west coast as they too are everywhere.
I guess I didn’t make my point well. That is my thought exactly. It’s everywhere. The south just has worn it on their sleeves.
Well said Steve. I had no idea you were gay. I’m sure we could agree on many things. Love the beans.